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In the first episode of Not Crazy or the final episode of A Bipolar, A Schizophrenic and a Podcast, Gabe and Michelle reminisce on past episodes, and Michelle tells us what her plans are for the future. Later, Michelle gives some words of wisdom to Gabe’s new co-host, Jackie Zimmerman. We get to know Jackie and discuss how Gabe and Jackie will be taking over BSP, but with a slightly new direction and a new name! Listen Now to get all the details.


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About The Hosts

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Gabe Howard is an award-winning writer and speaker who lives with bipolar disorder. He is the author of the popular book, Mental Illness is an Asshole and other Observations, available from Amazon; signed copies are also available directly from Gabe Howard. To learn more, please visit his website, gabehoward.com.




, Podcast: The Not Crazy Episode, Box Tree Clinic | Your Key to World Class Private Therapy

Jackie Zimmerman has been in the patient advocacy game for over a decade and has established herself as an authority on chronic illness, patient-centric healthcare and patient community building.

You can find her online at JackieZimmerman.coTwitter, Facebook and LinkedIn.

Computer Generated Transcript for ‘Not Crazy Podcast’ Episode

Editor’s NotePlease be mindful that this transcript has been computer generated and therefore may contain inaccuracies and grammar errors. Thank you.

Announcer: For reasons that utterly escape everyone involved, you’re listening to A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a Podcast. Here are your hosts, Gabe Howard and Michelle Hammer.

Gabe: Hello everybody, and welcome to A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a Podcast. My name is Gabe Howard and I’m bipolar.

Michelle: Hi, I’m Michelle, and I’m schizophrenic.

Gabe: We’re off hiatus, kind of. There’s lots and lots of stuff happening in this bipolar’s life and there’s lots and lots of stuff happening in, can I say this schizophrenic’s life?

Michelle: Go ahead.

Gabe: In this schizophrenic’s life. And we had to regroup and revamp and pay attention to just a whole bunch of shit, because it turns out, as we said in the hiatus message, making a weekly podcast is really hard.

Michelle: It’s much more challenging than you would really think that it is.

Gabe: It amazes me how many people are like, well, what? You and Michelle just talked for 20 minutes. That’s it, right?

Michelle: Yeah. Yeah. I wish that was just it. I wish.

Gabe: Editing the show, making the graphics, writing the descriptions. Oh, my God. It was just. How long do you think we spent on the back end? For every minute that people actually heard?

Michelle: So, so much more. I don’t even know. Far, far too much.

Gabe: Far too much.

Michelle: Far too much. That’s what I’d say. Far too much.

Gabe: So we got busy, we got overwhelmed and we almost snapped and killed each other, but we didn’t. We didn’t.

Michelle: We didn’t. We’re both alive. We didn’t kill each other.

Gabe: Because we are mentally ill.

Michelle: But we don’t kill.

Gabe: Right, Michelle has a shirt. And where can you buy that shirt?

Michelle: You can buy the shirt “I’m mentally ill and I don’t kill” at Schizophrenic.NYC.

Gabe: That’s where you can always buy your stuff. Longtime listeners of the show are like no shit Michelle. No shit.

Michelle: Yeah, yeah.  Shut up already. We already are already well aware of that. Stop plugging your website every single time we know this, Michelle. Shut the fuck up already. Jeez. Seriously, shut up.

Gabe: So the show is going to revamp in the next week with a new name because we can’t call it A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a Podcast anymore, because our dearest Michelle will no longer be on every episode. Because she is going off to bigger and better and greater and more kick ass things. She just has way too many projects and she is annoyed by me. And before she becomes a stereotype and stabs me to death in my sleep, we had to move forward. Michelle, what are you up to? What are some of the projects that you’re gonna be working on?

Michelle: Well, I’m working on the movement of “I’m mentally ill and I don’t kill”. I have a TED talk coming up. I am popping up with the business Strong 365. Everything is going on. Work with Fountain House, work at the gallery.

Gabe: Michelle, do you have any words of wisdom for the new co-host of the new show so that she survives and doesn’t kill me?

Michelle: Ignore Gabe. Don’t take any of his advice. And when he starts going on like monologues, cut him off after the first minute. Otherwise, he’ll go over 20 minutes and then he’ll complain that you didn’t ask him a follow up question. That’s probably because you zoned out in the first minute and then you have no idea what he said for the next 19 minutes. So you can’t possibly even ask him a follow up question because you have no idea what he just said.

Gabe: So what you’re saying is, I talk too much.

Michelle: Just a little bit, Gabe. You talk a little bit too much, don’t you think?

Gabe: I have a podcast. I am a speaker, isn’t talking in the job?

Michelle: But you never shut up. You got to let somebody in. Everybody will learn about sleep hygiene all they need. Blah, blah, blah. Sleep hygiene actually means this. Let me tell you all about sleep hygiene. Sleep hygiene is so great. Sleep hygiene. So what is sleep hygiene, Gabe? Well, sleep hygiene, sleep hygiene, sleep hygiene. It’s really important because if you don’t have good sleep hygiene, you’re not going to have a good day. I’ve learned so much about sleep hygiene.

Gabe: Would you say that sleep hygiene is your least favorite topic?

Michelle: Yes. Yes.

Gabe: What was your favorite topic?

Michelle: Gabe having sex with twenty three people in a day.

Gabe: So you think we should cover hyper sexuality more?

Michelle: I mean, I don’t know. I don’t really want to hear about you having sex. It’s kind of nasty. That I was like, oh, no, you know, my fav was losing your virginity 18 times.

Gabe: That was that was a good one. That was a good one. I do feel somewhat bad about it. But, you know, you can’t change the past. You can always look forward.

Michelle: Like, what a typical answer. Like, like, yeah, I just got into a car accident. With some manslaughter with my car accident, but you know, you can’t look back, you can only look forward. The person’s already dead.

Gabe: Know better do better?

Michelle: Every murderer says that. You can’t look back. You can only look forward. There I killed them. That’s in the past. Look to my future. I’m a good person now.

Gabe: Did you just?

Michelle: What if every person that was charged on murder said that on the witness stand? That was in my past.

Gabe: Are you comparing hyper sexuality to manslaughter?

Michelle: I’m just like your reasoning behind that. Well, that was in the past. You know, you can’t change the past. You’ve got to look to the future. Every murderer probably said the same thing. Well, that murder, that was in the past. In the present and in the future, I’m not going to murder anyone.

Gabe: Remember that time we got in a fight and I was like, I’m really mad about it. You’re like, Gabe, I said, I’m sorry. It’s over.

Michelle: Whatever, I didn’t listen to the story about the yenta.

Gabe: I don’t know what a yenta is. That is the question that I want to ask you and that I’m hoping that we can resolve finally, finally on our last pseudo show. Can you please God tell me what a yenta is?

Michelle: A yenta is a person who gossips.

Gabe: Oh, I’m a yenta.

Michelle: Yes, you’re a yenta! Yes.

Gabe: So are you, because I’m gossiping to you.

Michelle: That’s true.

Gabe: Yeah. Yeah.

Michelle: Yeah. Yeah, we’re kinda yentas.

Gabe: We’re co-yentas.

Michelle: Co-yentas.

Gabe: Michelle, I am always going to love you. I think that you are one of the coolest people that I’ve ever gotten to work with and I’m looking forward to working with you in the future. You are welcome to stop by whenever you want. You can come play with my dog. It was seventy-five episodes of awesome and frankly, I didn’t think that A bipolar and a schizophrenic with our type-A personalities and desire to yell and scream a lot would ever make seventy-five episodes. Hats off to you for tolerating me that long.

Michelle: Seriously.

Gabe: All right, after the break, we will be right back.

Announcer: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.com. Secure, convenient, and affordable online counseling. All counselors are licensed, accredited professionals. Anything you share is confidential. Schedule secure video or phone sessions, plus chat and text with your therapist, whenever you feel it’s needed. A month of online therapy often costs less than a single traditional face to face session. Go to BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral and experience seven days of free therapy to see if online counselling is right for you. BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral.

Gabe: We’re here with Jackie Zimmerman, who is going to be taking over co-hosting duties for Michelle Hammer. Michelle is awesome and she’s super going to be missed. And I’m glad that we got to say goodbye and I’m glad that she’s gonna be sticking around. Jackie, how do you feel about following Michelle Hammer?

Jackie: I feel like those are some huge shoes that I have to attempt to fill. Michelle is a great co-host and so good at what she does. Candidly, I’m a little nervous, but feeling good.

Gabe: You don’t need to be nervous, you just do you? And remember, if anything goes wrong, I’m the only constant. So it must it, must be my fault. Jackie, let’s talk about you for a minute.

Jackie: Yeah, let’s do it. I love talking about myself.

Gabe: Who is Jackie Zimmerman?

Jackie: I don’t know, how do I answer that?

Gabe: I love it because this means we get to find out together. Let me ask like a more pointed question. Does Jackie Zimmerman have tattoos?

Jackie: Jackie Zimmerman has a lot of tattoos.

Gabe: All right, so that’s pretty badass. Does Jackie Zimmerman have blue hair?

Jackie: At most times, yes, Jackie Zimmerman has at least some blue hair.

Gabe: Some blue hair. So this show is now hosted by a redhead and a blue haired young lady.

Jackie: Yeah. We love America with our hair.

Gabe: I like that the show has continued, the old man, young woman motif that we had going for all of these episodes, like it would have been nice if I could have found like a 60 year old woman and I could have been the young one. But, you know, you millennials are just everywhere. Just everywhere.

Jackie: We are and we’re aging. I’m an elder millennial, so I’m on the older aspect of the millennials. So I bridge the gap between the oldies like you, but also the young ones.

Gabe: I just I have no idea what to say to that except to inquire, and I really think the listeners want to know. Do you eat avocado toast?

Jackie: Oh, do I eat avocado toast? Yeah. I make avocado toast. I could live on avocado toast, avocado on everything. Is that like the true sign of a millennial?

Gabe: Ok. Pro or con? Pumpkin spice latte.

Jackie: If it makes you happy, spice on.

Gabe: But does it make you happy?

Jackie: At times, it does. I won’t say all the time, but there are times that I would enjoy. I’m more of a caramel macchiato kind of a person. But, you know.

Gabe: Pro or con? Pumpkin spice condoms.

Jackie: Oh, do we need flavored condoms? Is that a thing?

Gabe: Don’t we have like all kinds of flavored condoms?

Jackie: I feel like this is a little bit out of my wheelhouse. I don’t know a lot about flavored condoms. I must have missed that time in college. I guess.

Gabe: Whether or not you, yourself care about pumpkin spice condoms, do you think the world needs them?

Jackie: I think that if it brings joy to people in this world. Pumpkin spice your life. Spice, pumpkin, spice up your life. Oh, I feel like somebody needs to buy that and trademark it. That was a Spice Girls reference.

Gabe: I like how you have to tell people, because that’s the elder millennial thing, like the younger millennials are like, what the hell is she talking about? You are a roller derby girl.

Jackie: I am-ish. So I am.

Gabe: Ok, am-ish?

Jackie: But I am also kind of on a leave of absence. As of right this moment.

Gabe: And to make sure that our listeners understand, when I say roller derby girl, I don’t mean like fan girl that goes to all of the whatever they’re called when you run around in a circle. I mean, like you were out there, like, what was your position? You knocked people over, you got knocked over. You’re just you’re just a bad ass.

Jackie: Yeah, I did all those things. I was a blocker, which means I did that, I blocked people with my body and it was fun. It was so fun. It’s such a great sport and it’s not a bullshit sport. It’s not something where everybody just goes out there and flails about. Like it is an organized sport. There is a governing body of roller derby. There are leagues in 100 different countries. I mean, it is a super legitimate thing and we’re constantly trying to get people to see us as a legitimate sport. And so part of that is having an extensive ruleset, having safety regulations, doing all of these things that make it so that way people can’t just look at our sport and be like, oh, yeah, that’s like, you know, badminton on ice. It’s not a real thing.

Gabe: But explain to people how roller derby is nothing like the pop culture reference that I thought it was when I first found out that you were a blocker in roller derby, like I wanted to know what your wrestling name was.

Jackie: So, roller derby names are still a thing in some leagues. It’s like an alternative personality.

Gabe: It’s like a persona.

Jackie: Yeah, or like a alter ego, haha. That’s it. It’s an alter ego.

Gabe: Alter ego, yeah. Were you the rock?

Jackie: No.

Gabe: I can see you being The Rock.

Jackie: I don’t know if I’m offended by that or I think I might be a little bit offended by that.

Gabe: But he’s a bad ass. He’s also mean, and he has a lot of tattoos.

Jackie: He is.

Gabe: That’s what I thought about.

Jackie: He is.

Gabe: And super famous.

Jackie: But he is also a big bald dude. I mean, I’m not big or bald or a dude. So, I mean, anyway. So when I first started picking your derby name was a really big deal. It takes a lot of time to find one. You have to compare it up to a database in our league. You could not have the same derby name as anybody else in the world. So imagine naming your child and having to give it a unique name that nobody else in the world has. It’s very difficult. So derby names are a big deal. Derby names are also one of those things that kind of makes the sport not look legitimate. So there is a move away from derby names and people on their uniforms are using their last names or their first names. But there still is a pretty heavy emphasis on derby names.

Gabe: What was your derby name?

Jackie: My derby name was Amelia SpareParts.

Gabe: Amelia SpareParts.

Jackie: That is it. Which most of time I just was SpareParts or S.P., because that is a long, long name.

Gabe: I love it. What does it mean? Why did you pick that name?

Jackie: So that was like my 15th choice because, again, names. But the reason why I picked that is because the spare parts part of all of this is a throwback to all the abdominal surgeries that I’ve had, where I had my large intestine and my rectum and my appendix removed. So I look at all those things sort of like spare things that I didn’t really need. So that’s where the SpareParts comes in.

Gabe: They just yanked them out, and replaced them with something better.

Jackie: They didn’t replace them at all. I just don’t have them.

Gabe: This is what’s gonna be really cool about the show. So as longtime listeners know, I live with bipolar disorder, anxiety disorder. That is who Gabe Howard is. That’s who I was on A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a Podcast as the bipolar one. You’re not schizophrenic. You don’t live with schizophrenia. And in fact, you don’t define as having mental illness like severe and persistent mental illness. But you’re completely in the mental health issue, mental health crisis space. And you know a lot about mental health. And you’ve had a lot of physical challenges in your life. Can you sort of tell our listeners what qualifies you to co-host a mental health show?

Jackie: You know, that’s a great question, and sometimes I’m not even really sure what I’m doing here because talking to Gabe, I’ll realize there’s a lot of things that I don’t know about this space and everything that I know about schizophrenia, I learned from Michelle on this podcast. This is a space that I have lived in but not necessarily spent a lot of time learning about whether that’s right or wrong. It is what it is. And part of that is because I have been distracted, we will say, for the majority of my adult life from living with chronic illnesses. So I have multiple sclerosis. I had very severe ulcerative colitis, which resulted in removal of those things that I told you about earlier. So those are things that I fought, battled, almost died. The whole tragic story, all the jazz and through that process is obvious. Well, I guess it’s not obvious. Not everybody comes out the other side of that with severe, persistent depression. But I did because I guess I’m lucky like that. So in that whole thing, the whole thing of being sick. I don’t know. Maybe you feel this way. You kind of got to pick something. When there’s 40 things going wrong, you pick one and you’re gonna focus on one or two.

Jackie: And I chose MS and UC, when I was very sick and a lot of that resulted in very poor mental health and declining health and increasing depression and increasing suicidal ideations and all of these things. And so once my body got healthy is when I started focusing on my mental health. And I have been focusing on that as much as I can, given the limitations of my body since then. So I have spent a lot of time talking about mental health in terms of mental health, in its conjunction with chronic illness and how the mind body connection is real and how health care and providers need to focus on that. So I don’t know that I’m necessarily qualified for this job. But I am passionate about those two things and I have a lot of experience of my own in the last 13, 14 years of living with these things. And I know a lot of people and I know a lot of people in the chronic illness space who deal with depression and anxiety. So I have a pretty large repertoire of knowledge on the topic, but I wouldn’t say that that makes me a will say expert. If expert is the right term. Is expert the right term. Probably not.

Gabe: Lived experience is a real thing, though, right? And that’s what makes the show so exciting. Your lived experience is completely different from mine. One of the things that you said is while you were fighting physical health, you ignored your mental health and that could have turned out poorly. And while I was fighting my mental health, I ignored my physical health. Weighed five hundred and fifty pounds.

Jackie: No!

Gabe: But I was so concerned about what was going on in my head and trying to stay alive that I didn’t give a shit about my body. And you did the opposite. And it there’s so much that I don’t understand and I appreciate that there’s so much that you don’t understand. And we’re going to talk it out on upcoming episodes. Now, we have to change the name. We can no longer call it A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a Podcast because unless you’re willing to do something to maybe give yourself schizophrenia? So we don’t change the name.

Jackie: You know, I think that if I could figure out how to give myself schizophrenia, I would probably make a lot of money because then maybe we could figure out how to undo schizophrenia.

Gabe: That is an excellent point. While you’re working on that, we’ll change the name. We’re not going to tell you the name, but next week when the podcast launches, there’ll be a new name, a new co-host, but the same loud redheaded guy. So we will see everybody next week on whatever the hell we name the show,

Jackie: Which we already know, we’re just not telling you.

Gabe: Ha ha.

Announcer: You’ve been listening to A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a Podcast. If you love this episode, don’t keep it to yourself head over to iTunes or your preferred podcast app to subscribe, rate, and review. To work with Gabe, go to GabeHoward.com. To work with Michelle, go to schizophrenic.NYC. For free mental health resources and online support groups, head over to PsychCentral.com. This show’s official web site is PsychCentral.com/BSP. You can e-mail us at show@PsychCentral.com. Thank you for listening, and share widely.




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